5 years later...
As I contemplated writing a blog, I remembered I had started one years ago. I logged in (happy I still use the same password for everything) and saw I started it July 11, 2001. Wow-how things change! And sadly, some for the better, some not. And so it is. This is what I must live with though. I always tell myself, there is no "should have" or "could have" or other option, because they are non-existent. "This" is what it is. All other alternatives are only in my imagination and never meant to be. I don't know if I actually believe it; when I do, I feel better. And so it is.
Things that have happened since starting my blog:
1. A trip to Ireland that changed my life and I will forever cherish.
2. September 11
2. A move from Winston Salem, North Carolina to Boulder, Colorado
3. Wow-almost forgot the moves from Vail, Colorado to Texas, then to North Carolina!
4. Living in North Carolina
I'll stop there. Leaving Vail for North Carolina. I wasn't happy there when I left, but how memory makes things so sweet. I was so in love with my boyfriend. All I could think of was being near him. What was I scared of? I wasn't certain, yet I couldn't let go.
Anyway, I moved in with my parents for a few months in Texas to "save money". I had the best time. I grew so close to my mother. It was hard to leave. I felt protected and cared for. I knew I would never have that again with my parents and I appreciated it this time.
Then the move to NC- difficult, full of promise. I was so happy to be there with him. Yet I cried about my job. I knew. That was February 2002.
At the end of July he broke up with me. I died a little inside. I remember getting out of the car to meet him and knowing. My entire body burned with pain, fear, heartbreak. I more than died a little inside. I was devastated. Sadness overwhelmed me for months.
Then came New Year 2002. He cried. He'd made a mistake. What did he feel to warrant that?
I wonder.
Then we were happy. Plans to move to Boulder. Waiting for him to graduate. In July, we did. Well, he did. He moved both of our things across the country while I went to Italy, Germany, France, England. I met up with his aunt and uncle. I loved them. I always felt inferior though. Rob and Anne in England were a beautiful thing. I remember the concert and the night in the field. The music, the sky, holding hands. I loved it. I thought I was home.
He's engaged now. I remember him telling me that he would never marry me. June 2004. I never knew why, but I know he is happy now. Happier than I could have ever made him. Enough of this. This is exhausting.
Is this what blogs are? Diaries?
Things that have happened since starting my blog:
1. A trip to Ireland that changed my life and I will forever cherish.
2. September 11
2. A move from Winston Salem, North Carolina to Boulder, Colorado
3. Wow-almost forgot the moves from Vail, Colorado to Texas, then to North Carolina!
4. Living in North Carolina
I'll stop there. Leaving Vail for North Carolina. I wasn't happy there when I left, but how memory makes things so sweet. I was so in love with my boyfriend. All I could think of was being near him. What was I scared of? I wasn't certain, yet I couldn't let go.
Anyway, I moved in with my parents for a few months in Texas to "save money". I had the best time. I grew so close to my mother. It was hard to leave. I felt protected and cared for. I knew I would never have that again with my parents and I appreciated it this time.
Then the move to NC- difficult, full of promise. I was so happy to be there with him. Yet I cried about my job. I knew. That was February 2002.
At the end of July he broke up with me. I died a little inside. I remember getting out of the car to meet him and knowing. My entire body burned with pain, fear, heartbreak. I more than died a little inside. I was devastated. Sadness overwhelmed me for months.
Then came New Year 2002. He cried. He'd made a mistake. What did he feel to warrant that?
I wonder.
Then we were happy. Plans to move to Boulder. Waiting for him to graduate. In July, we did. Well, he did. He moved both of our things across the country while I went to Italy, Germany, France, England. I met up with his aunt and uncle. I loved them. I always felt inferior though. Rob and Anne in England were a beautiful thing. I remember the concert and the night in the field. The music, the sky, holding hands. I loved it. I thought I was home.
He's engaged now. I remember him telling me that he would never marry me. June 2004. I never knew why, but I know he is happy now. Happier than I could have ever made him. Enough of this. This is exhausting.
Is this what blogs are? Diaries?
posted by Unknown | 10:13 PM
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